I Remember costco

I remember Costco. I remember Costco and how they sold books. How I bought a Ripley's believe it or not and how I believed every word. I remember how I believed every word but how none of it seemed real to me. How nothing seems real to me, especially after a very real dream. I remember that very real dream when I kissed her. I remember how I kissed her and how that ruined everything. How I ruined everything and how I'm trying to fix it. How I fixed our computer. How the computer seemed to rule my life. How ruling my life was never done by me but always by others.
I remember how others go to Costco and how others have things happen to them that never become real to them and how they ruin things and they fix things and how they're lives are ruled by people other than themselves.
I want to go to Costco and tell them that this is all real
that you're dreams can become real, but first you've got to wake up
and stop trying to fix the damn computers in your life, they are only controlling you
and you can't let that happen
because this is all so real.

A Music Video is Worth 10 words

that outward existence which conforms
the inward life that questions.

Sad Chairs

suddenly the backyard barbeques just quit happening

broken and abandoned

i wish i was unique

white trash bench 

the kids never came once school started

where they first met

first and last date

i cant hold myself together much longer

"Iceland" pt 2, or "How to Give Up"

its august 2009, and im transferring into a sewing class
just to be in the same room as the girl ive had a crush on for the past four years.

its february 2010 and ive finally accepted defeat, so i start liking her best friend instead.
in may i give her a candy bar and a flower and awkwardly stare at the ground while i tell her happy birthday.

new semester in 2012, a girl sits by me in seminary and i think its love. shes six months older than me and we become friends but over the summer she forgets who i am.

the next fall i ask a girl that ive never talked to before to go to homecoming.
we kissed on new years but nothing ever really happened.

prom 2013 and i think i find the love of my life
i also find her cuddling with my friend a week later.

its my senior year and i know ive found the perfect girl.
i get butterflies every time i see her. we go to homecoming together.
nothing happens.

nothing ever really happens.
no matter how hard i try nothing ever really happens.
8 years later and ive finally given up on girls.
ive given up on school, and on god.
ive given up on my parents and theyve almost give up on me.
so far the only thing i havent given up on is iceland,
but she is still the perfect girl.

"Iceland", or "The Future"

it seems like the best things happen when we skip seminary,
and i dont think thats a coincidence.
i dont think its a coincidence that you asked me to come play super mario strikers after scout camp.
i dont think its a coincidence that we were converted to the same style of music,
and i dont think its a coincidence that we are set on iceland.
and in case you were wondering, this poems about a boy.
and if youre wondering if im gay, well im not.
but ive been called gay a lot and this boy has been there for all of that.
he wont give up on me and i wont give up on iceland,
because its all i have left.

Indie Poem

 i am the smoke from an incense stick

floating above the charred autumn leaves

i was not invented

i do not choose to exist.

the wind carries me

but unlike a breeze, i have no direction.

i long to be colorful

but no matter what burns inside me

i am just thick, gray smoke.

i hear children laughing, and ducks quacking, and a sun setting

but my whispy form creates no sound

i disappear with the fire.