"Iceland" pt 2, or "How to Give Up"

its august 2009, and im transferring into a sewing class
just to be in the same room as the girl ive had a crush on for the past four years.

its february 2010 and ive finally accepted defeat, so i start liking her best friend instead.
in may i give her a candy bar and a flower and awkwardly stare at the ground while i tell her happy birthday.

new semester in 2012, a girl sits by me in seminary and i think its love. shes six months older than me and we become friends but over the summer she forgets who i am.

the next fall i ask a girl that ive never talked to before to go to homecoming.
we kissed on new years but nothing ever really happened.

prom 2013 and i think i find the love of my life
i also find her cuddling with my friend a week later.

its my senior year and i know ive found the perfect girl.
i get butterflies every time i see her. we go to homecoming together.
nothing happens.

nothing ever really happens.
no matter how hard i try nothing ever really happens.
8 years later and ive finally given up on girls.
ive given up on school, and on god.
ive given up on my parents and theyve almost give up on me.
so far the only thing i havent given up on is iceland,
but she is still the perfect girl.

"Iceland", or "The Future"

it seems like the best things happen when we skip seminary,
and i dont think thats a coincidence.
i dont think its a coincidence that you asked me to come play super mario strikers after scout camp.
i dont think its a coincidence that we were converted to the same style of music,
and i dont think its a coincidence that we are set on iceland.
and in case you were wondering, this poems about a boy.
and if youre wondering if im gay, well im not.
but ive been called gay a lot and this boy has been there for all of that.
he wont give up on me and i wont give up on iceland,
because its all i have left.

Indie Poem

 i am the smoke from an incense stick

floating above the charred autumn leaves

i was not invented

i do not choose to exist.

the wind carries me

but unlike a breeze, i have no direction.

i long to be colorful

but no matter what burns inside me

i am just thick, gray smoke.

i hear children laughing, and ducks quacking, and a sun setting

but my whispy form creates no sound

i disappear with the fire.

Lies

it started out slowly
i was in second period last year
it was like coming out of anesthesia
or a crazy, yet vivid dream

i started seeing the lies.
i saw one in seminary, one in my dad
it didnt seem like much at first
like sinners in disguise

ive learned to recognize them now
im taking a math test
x has no solution
but nobody can see that
the teacher calls time
the student next to me rushes to fill in "B"
he is lying to himself
filling in random answers
someone asks about his future and he fills in a mission
his grandpa dies and he fills in heaven
his parents find out what he really thinks and he fills in guilt
he lives in guilt
hes filling in his grave
a tomb built of lies
the guilt tells him to believe in things he knows are wrong
but he knows they are wrong
and stops looking for solutions.

the next time we took a test, he left the sheet blank. he knew all of the answers they gave him were lies.

Lies Lies!

Everytime you close your eyes (lies! lies!)